I need to take a nap. But I hear Julia waking up, so I’ll have to wait til she takes her next nap later this morning before I can lie down and be unconscious. I had a bit of a nap the other day and I should really make it a point to take a nap at some time every day…but I have a hard time doing that because there are so many other things that I either want to do around here or feel I should do, and for some reason maternity leave this time around seems so short…even though I have til mid-August…but it’s already June 4th, and somehow that seems like there’s only a few days left…ridiculous, I know, but that’s the state of mind I’m currently in. The Ridiculous State. I went out and started a wine collection yesterday. Ta-da. Oh, the humor that arises when you are toting a two-week-old in a Baby Bjorn carrier and pushing a shopping cart with eventually 32 bottles of wine up to the register. The UPS driver behind me in line, who was buying a case of Heineken (he apparently likes the taste of skunky beer) asked if I was making up for lost time, or something like that. I joked that yes, it had been 9 long, dry months, but actually I really didn’t care about whether or not I could have alcohol during pregnancy. It’s not that huge a deal to me. Of course, the 32 bottles look like they say something else, but they just say that I sometimes go overboard when I’m starting a project of any kind. Why start small? So anyway, I had a lovely little time browsing the wine shelves and picking out bottles from vineyards all over the country and the world, just at random, for the most part, with a couple of old favorites thrown in, too. Now I have to fix up one of the closets in the basement to store them. I need some shelves or racks for them…will either build them or buy them. Haven’t decided that yet. Bill didn’t believe me when I said I’d bought 32 bottles. It was pretty funny – he didn’t believe me til I brought him to the boxes and made him do the math. But they will last us a while. I don’t drink much at a sitting, and at this time I can’t/won’t anyway, because I’m nursing Julia and also a drop of alcohol will make me very sleepy, sleep-deprived as I already am, so the bottles are more for future consumption than for the present. Today I would like to finish cleaning/cleaning out my kitchen. That will be my primary goal, I think. That and a nap. If I have more time to do something else, maybe I’ll start creating the office area in this music/computer room where I now sit. I want to move the mail and the bills-to-be-paid OFF of my work areas, OUT of the kitchen and INTO their own little corner of the world. I should also wash Julia’s hair. She likes that. She is very cute – she smiles in her sleep, and I can’t wait til she smiles for real, on purpose. With her eyes opened. Alex is still very sweet to her. I am psycho mom. That’s why I’m really going to make myself take a nap. I have just a few drops of patience left in me, and Alex doesn’t need to see my eyes start spinning around in my head over trivial things. Okay, well, it appears that Julia is going to take a real nap, not just a little one, so maybe I’ll go now and take out my contact lenses and try to fall asleep. Of course, this iced coffee that I’ve been drinking probably wasn’t a bright idea…but then, I haven’t had a ton of those in a LLLLLOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG, LLLLOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGG time. A ton of bright ideas, I mean. I’ve had more than my share of iced coffee. Oh, hey – Alex makes up songs. There is the Mommy song: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy"…and the Julia song: "Joo-ya, Joo-ya, Joo-ya, Joo-ya"…and "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy"…and he’ll go through all the relatives and his friends’ names…it’s very cute. Too, too cute for me. I might cry now…I seem to be doing that a lot lately too. The other night I was trying to get Julia to settle down, but she is a very vocal little person, even when she’s happy, or asleep – she grunts and sighs and makes other little noises that are cute except when the adults would like to go to sleep. So I was actually trying to burp her the other night, and Bill had rolled over, a pillow clutched to his head to drown out any intrusive sounds…and I was TIRED and just wanted Julia to burp so she could then settle down and go to sleep, but that wasn’t happening, and Bill moved around or something, or sat up, or stretched his leg, or moved the sheet around a bit, and my tortured paranoid mind IMAGINED that he was on the verge of outrage (which he rarely is, so I’m obviously insane) and I – with absolutely no real reason – wailed/growled/snarled: "I’m doing the best I can!" And he said "Jayne, did I say anything?" and I whimpered "no" and he mumbled "you do this to me a lot" which I suppose I have done lately because I am hormonal and tired and possessed by demons. So naturally I burst into tears. He, wisely, ignored me and tried to sleep. I had all these wild, retaliatory "oh yeah?" kinds of things I wanted to say, but as time wore on, the "oh, yeah" statute of limitations was running out and I would have sounded like an idiot if I were to finally trot out my pathetic laundry list of complaints 20 minutes later…plus he’d be sound asleep and would be annoyed at being woken back up and not so receptive to all my constructive criticism…fortunately though, the shaking of my quiet sobs somehow soothed Julia to sleep, so I guess the whole bizarrre episode was for the best. Okay, that’s it for me for this morning. I’m going to go attempt a nap now. I could keep typing, but that’s what happens when I’m overtired – I babble endlessly. Just ask my sister. I’ve had to tell her to just hang up on me when I talk like this. It’s the only thing that will shut me up. Okay, ending this post right NOW.