Julia

“I Didn’t Do It”

IMG_3223_1 This is my daughter.

Julia.

With her beloved and well worn pink (ish gray) elephant, the straw hat I got for her at the Farmers' Market a couple of weeks ago, and her new sunglasses we got this morning because her other two pair are broken.

She wanted me to take a picture of her sporting the new shades, and I suggested she wear the hat, too.

And here's the series…

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Before we started these, Julia had helped me make some popsicles, which, once they're frozen, I'll write up and post on here.

I bought some new popsicle molds this morning, because they were cute and because I wanted a bunch, so I can have several different flavors going at a time.

Much of the time, Julia is like this – especially one on one with either parent.  She likes the undivided attention.  And when she can have that, she's the epitome of cooperativeness.

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And helpfulness.

And honesty.

And truth, justice, and the American way.

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So that was this morning.

We'll skip ahead now, to about half an hour ago.

I was outside watering the vegetables, as many of them were wilting in this sweltering zillion-degree weather.

I pretty much leave the flowers to sink or swim (wilt or stand tall) because we aren't going to be eating them, and to me, that makes them a bit more expendable.  Except the roses that had been Bill's mom's.  Those outrank the vegetables, the fish, and probably even me in Bill's heirarchy of Things That Must Be Kept Alive.

But I digress.  I was out there with the hose, making sure the peas and the hop vines and the tomatoes and squashes and lettuces and various and sundry other herbs and veggies were hydrated. 

I'd told the kids where I was, and that they should STAY INSIDE because it's so hot.

Well, of course they followed that directive to the letter.

First, Alex came outside and started kicking a ball around the yard and asking if he could take his shirt off since it was so hot.  And I told him no, he didn't have sunscreen on underneath it, and I really would like it if he would go back in the house.

And, without any grumbling, he did.

And two seconds later,

"Hi Mom!"

there was Julia, coming across the yard toward me, her summer dress tucked in her green underwear in front. She's a trendsetter, that one.

I repeated the same request with her that I'd asked of Alex, but had to open the door for her as she's still just a bit too short to reach the door handle.  I let her in the house and asked her to stay there while I finished up, and that I'd put sunscreen on her when I came back in.

I'm sure some of you can see where this is going.

I finished saving the lives of the food-bearing plant life, coiled the hose back around the…the hose thing attached to the deck…you know, the thing you coil the hose around.

And I went in the house.

And this is what I saw:

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In case you're not 100 percent positive that what you think you see is, indeed, what is in that picture, let me assure you that yes, it's a chair (from the dining room) with a footstool (from the bathroom) on it…and a topless bottle of sunscreen on the footstool (bottle of sunscreen HAD been up on top of the fridge, which is right there behind the chair – it's black) (oh, and the top of the sunscreen bottle is that small blue thing on the floor at the edge of the cabinet).

And all that white glop on the chair?  Why yes, yes, of course!  It's sunscreen.

My first instinct?  Grab the camera.

Second? 

"JULIA!"

"Yes, mama?"  (She calls me mama when she's being sweet.  And deceptive.)

"Can you come up here, please?"

"Okay, mama!" 

She comes up from the basement, and preceeds me into the kitchen.  I point to the sculpture in the kitchen and ask her "Do you know anything about this?"

And she said (naturally) "I didn't do it."

And then she turned to look at me.

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And I asked "Are you SURE you don't know anything about this?  Did YOU do it?"

And she shook her head no, and told me, sincerely, "Alex did it."

Uh huh.

So I called him upstairs and asked him the same question.

"Alex, do you know anything about this?"

And he went over to the chair/stool/sunscreen bottle and looked at it all for a moment before turning to me and shaking his head and saying "No, I don't know who did that."

Of course, he also looked at Julia.  And then at me. 

He left.

And I asked Julia again.  "Did you do this?"

And again, she said "No, I didn't do it."

I reached over to try to rub in the patches of sunscreen so she wouldn't look so…painted.  She brushed my hand away and took over, near one eyebrow.

I told her to be careful not to get it in her eyes. 

And she nodded and said "I got a lot on me." 

And I said "Yes…so DID you do this?"

And she looked at me again. 

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"No.  I didn't do it."

8 thoughts on ““I Didn’t Do It”

  1. That is so funny! The pictures of her with sunscreen on her face are adorable. Times like that you can’t be mad…it is just to unbelievable funny!

  2. I can’t stop laughing… Brianna (my 5yo) is standing next to me asking why I’m laughing so much. That’s priceless. =)

  3. I am just catching up on my backlog of posts in my Google Reader. I’ve just been scanning, but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw this post. This is hilarious (because it’s not my kid) and it made my day. You are a patient woman and I will have to remember this when my now toddler is that age. I’m sure I am in for it. Thanks for the laugh!

  4. I have had this link for many years, and reread it occasionally. My husband read it around the same time I did, and occasionally brings it up in conversation.

    And that was BEFORE I had a 3yo daughter. I have a whole new appreciation of it.

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