Alex · Julia

It WILL Grow Back. It WILL Grow Back. It WILL Grow Back. Right?

Alex came into the kitchen.

"Mom, I've got really good news, and I've got really bad news."

Or something to that effect.

It may have been more like "I've done a really good thing and a really bad thing."

I don't know.

All I heard was "really good" and – more importantly – "really bad."

So he began to tell me…

"You know that farting stuff?"

He meant this stuff called "FLARP!" which is subtitled "Noise Putty" on the label, which really means it's slimy icky goopy stuff that makes all sorts of farting sounds when you push it back into its container.  (The pockets of air below the FLARP! produce the farting sounds.)

They each got a little container as part of their goody bags when they went to a birthday party across the street.


FLARP! and whoopie cushions.

They were overjoyed.

Anyway, FLARP! is actually kind of cool in that it doesn't go around sticking to the furniture or the bathroom countertop if it gets out of the little container. 

Apparently it does, however, stick to hair.



Alex continued.

"Well, Julia got some of that in her hair…"

(I'm thinking, well, that must be the "really bad" part…which would mean the really GOOD part involves Alex valiantly picking the stuff out of his little sister's hair.  Wouldn't you think that?  Please just agree with me.)

"…and I got it out by cutting her hair."

(I pause here so you can absorb that)

(I pause here so you can imagine the screaming I was doing INSIDE my head)

(I pause here so you can picture my eyes wide like saucers and Alex's fearful face in response)

I tried to be calm.

It's only hair, after all.

"Why did you CUT it???"  I asked, my voice strangled in pain.

More to the point, I was wondering WHERE the FLARP! had been stuck.  Where was this gaping hole of hair going to be?

Soon I found out.

Julia came upstairs, kind of cringing, and I gasped and asked "Why didn't you TELL ME??  Instead of CUTTING HER HAIR OFF???"

Alex fled to his room.

I wasn't mad.

I don't know what I was.

I kind of wanted to cry and scream and laugh hysterically and break a few things.

Maybe that's why he fled.

Julia didn't look all that thrilled, either.

She looked like this:

(Because yes, of course, I grabbed my camera.)


And there's really not a whole lot else to say about it.

12 thoughts on “It WILL Grow Back. It WILL Grow Back. It WILL Grow Back. Right?

  1. Oh, boy. I don’t know what I would do in that situation–yell, or laugh. Probably both. From what I’ve been told, I cut my sister Merri’s (I have a sister Meredith, too) bangs off when we were little. Hard to say who got in more trouble–me for cutting her hair, or my dad for sitting through breakfast with us and not noticing. =)

  2. My older daughter (now fifteen) used to wear her hair in one of those little topknot ponytails when she was four. She hid under a table with her little sister and cut all the fringe hair to the scalp, leaving just the topknot, and handed the hanks of hair to her sister to hold.

    It was just lovely. I know how you feel.

  3. And how many more weeks until school starts? My cousin cut her eye lashes off to the roots the day before she was to have her picture made for some sort of Holy Communion (I’m not Episcopal, so I don’t know what they do at the age of 5). Take a deep breath and tell them both, “now you know why children never cut hair…. Mom’s have a special knack for fixing problems with hair, and we NEVER (hardly ever) have to cut it. Bring it to Mom.” It’s been a huge learning summer for poor Alex, hasn’t it?

  4. Two and a half weeks til school.  The hair won’t have a lot of time to grow, but we can probably make it look a bit better.  And when I say “we” I don’t even mean ME in any capacity.  My sister is the one who can cut hair.  I only cut paper.  And fabric and thread.  Not hair.  I don’t think my efforts would improve things.

    And the eyelashes!!  Oh my!  I knew a guy in college who had these long, gorgeous lashes that he got teased about a lot.  I guess when he was a kid he cut them off so people wouldn’t pick on him.


  5. Hi Jayne. Long time lurker, found your blog when you hosted twd. Had to comment. My mother is in town visiting me and I had to show her this post- we laughed so hard we cried. When I was four, I once got a splash of eggnog in the same place in my hair and decided to cut it out with my safety scissors, some twenty years ago. That picture of Julia is priceless.

  6. I have to comment now! When you first posted about Julia getting her hair cut, it reminded me of an episode when I was probably about her age, or not much older. The pictures of me /after/ I’ve been to the hairdresser to fix my self-administered haircut show me with a proper boy’s short haircut. Apparently, I had been drawing or crafting or something, and decided that my hair was in the way, so I took some scissors and cut my fringe back short short short, and cut around my face to get my hair out of the way. I wish I had the photos to share.

    But anyway, long story short – it grew back! I can’t even really remember it happening. And when I look back on the pictures I think, gosh, I looked good with a boy’s haircut! Maybe I’ll do that again!

  7. Oh, the furrowed brow!!!!!!!!!
    Try using a stretchy headband for a bit. They have them everywhere…Claire’s, CVS. I’ll bet you could probably craft them yourself. It will cover up the stubble until it grows. My older daughter cut my baby’s curls off many years ago. I recall the devastation. And my neighbor’s daughter cut off her own bangs. this too shall pass.

  8. oh my god!!!!

    I read with a faint smile, I thought, oh, poor Alex.. I pictured a little bit of short hair to one side…


    O MI GOD! My chin struck the floor.

    Poooor Julia… Pooooor You! And as for poor Alex…

    well you have got to feel sorry for the boy haven’t you (when you allow him to come out from under the bed where he is hiding….) ?

  9. Oh, I definitely felt bad for ALL of us.  Especially Alex – he really takes these things to heart.  And it WILL grow back.  Or so I’ve heard.

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