Not How I Had Planned to Begin this Month

I think I have the flu.

I say I “think” because I don’t remember having the flu before, though I probably did at some point.  But I looked up my symptoms this morning after confirming that yes, all that aching and the marrow-deep chills and headache and nausea and tremendous fatigue, plus the fever.  It looks like flu.


I think it kicked in Sunday night without me realizing it at the time.  Alex had come home from a friends house and said he thought he had “that breathing thing” again – which meant an asthmatic response to something, and I’m thinking the sudden cold snap (and snow!) is to blame.  I dosed him with his inhaler, and stared at him annoyingly, counting breaths and staring at his abdomen and clavicle to see how hard he was straining to breathe.

He wasn’t as bad as he’s been the few other times this has happened, so he kind of chilled for the evening and had his inhaler again before bed. 

And then I couldn’t sleep.   At around eleven, still sleepless, I moved my pillow and myself into his room, his bed, and stayed awake, listening to him breathe.  Yes, I am insane.  And while I was lying there NOT sleeping, I was also uncomfortable – kind of chilly, with foot cramps and leg cramps for some reason.  Anyway, around quarter past three, Alex was breathing okay (as he had been the whole time), so I went back to my own bed to try to get a couple hours of sleep.  I dozed, but didn’t really sleep.  Kept opening my eyes, staring at the clock, couldn’t get warm, couldn’t get comfortable. 

The aches developed that day and stayed with me.  I thought it was somehow just from no sleep, so I took ibuprofen and soldiered on.  It was Halloween, after all – I had things to do!  We have a parade here in the neighborhood – this is the 14th year – and my friend across the street is now running it.  Everyone gathers – parents, kids, most of them in costume – for pizza and water or juice – before the parade begins.  Then everyone marches around the neighborhood.  It’s a wonderful time.

This year I got to help out – I served hot cocoa.  We filled a big pot with hot water, mixed in the cocoa, and the pot sat on one of Bill’s propane burners that he uses when he’s brewing beer.  I was dressed in black – a tank top and a long skirt, plus my lovely “formal” witch hat, complete with a sheer black veil.  And I wore flip-flops, because, you know, that barefoot thing.  It was cold out, but I wasn’t really that cold.  It was probably the fever creeping back as the ibuprofen wore off.  Or my proximity to the propane flame.  Or just the fun of the whole experience.  Bill hung out with me too, and Alex and Julia ran around in costume with their friends.  Such a great time.

After the parade got underway, we started packing up our table, Alex went off with his friends, and Julia, Bill and I had dinner.  Then when it was dark, Bill took Julia around the neighborhood while I handed out candy.

Ordinarily I love this.  Love all the costumes, the cute kids, the whole night. 

This year, not so much.  :(  I dragged myself to the door when the kids knocked, did my thing, and then slumped on a chair.  Texted back and forth with my sister.  And waited.  I just wanted everyone to get home so I could go lie down.  As the night went on, the aches and chills increased, and eventually, when everyone was home and the outside lights were off, I ran a hot bath to try to warm up.  I’ve never had chills this bad – my hands weren’t just shaking, they were shuddering.  Huge chilly spasms rolled through me in icy waves while I waited for the tub to fill.  Bizarre.

Even more bizarre – and disappointing – even soaking in scalding hot water, I still felt cold at my core.

My, I’m going on and on.  Blame the fever.

Yesterday I slept a lot.  Didn’t eat much.  No appetite.  This morning I took my temperature and confirmed the fever that I’d been suspecting.  Today I won’t be going to work.  I anticipate more sleeping. 

And that’s what’s going on with me.  Just wanted to say hi.  Now I’m going to make the kids’ lunches and go lie down somewhere. 

Talk to you later….

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