Musings

Cluttery

Two weeks since my last post.  Didn’t realize it was so long.

Winter break was last week, so everyone was home and the week sped past.  My neck hurts from watching it, it moved that quickly.

I had a weird moment a few days ago…maybe not a moment…more like a drawn-out look through a different looking-glass.  I was watching some cooking show – I think it was one of those international kinds of things where the host travels to various cities in a given country and samples the local food, in this case, lots of (yummy looking) street foods.

But it wasn’t about the host, or even the food.  No, there were other people standing there during various segments, and a couple of them were speaking about the local food, and on the screen the person’s name would appear, and beneath it, the descriptive “Food Blogger.”

And I thought “hunh.”

Profound, I know.

I think I used to consider myself a food blogger, not that I like labels really, but if you had to describe what point on the blogging map I lived nearest to, I guess “food” was it.  Closely followed by family.  And aimless babbling.

Lately, however, say, within the past year, I feel myself parting with the “food blogger” affiliation.  I still cook, of course, and bake.  We must eat, after all.  But I feel less like writing about it now.  That could be because cooking is now my job, not just a useful hobby.  I love my job, and I’m so happy – and even still a bit startled – to be doing what I’m doing.  But…now that I am surrounded by people who have been cooking professionally far longer than I, I am – and I’ve written this before – feeling a bit humbled.  Less…peacock-like about the things I cook.  Not always, but a lot.  So I just don’t photograph my cooking so much now.  And on my days off…I tend to drift toward other hobbies instead.  Those window quilts.  The denim potholders.  Stuff like that.

Or, very very occasionally, I spend part of my day off relaxing.  It’s a strange endeavor.  I always feel a little uncomfortable, a little guilty, doing NOTHING.  This morning I had breakfast on the couch, watched old stuff on tv, and, at some point, actually dozed off.  Yes.  I took a nap.  I woke up a little before noon feeling puzzled and too warm and more clear-headed than I’d felt earlier but still kind of sluggish.  I figured since I’d slept the morning away I should GET UP AND DO SOMETHING, in order to make the most of my precious DAY ALL TO MYSELF.  But.  I had too many possible things to do and no idea which one to choose.

So I skipped them all and worked on trying to organize a few things for the household – paperwork, bills, finances, shopping…that sort of thing.  Soon, very soon, I want to tackle our filing cabinet.  Four drawers of the past, crammed in and mostly forgotten.  It needs cleaning out and reorganizing. 

So do other sections of this house.  I went upstairs and put laundry away, and then reorganized the drawers in my bureau and rearranged the furniture a bit.  I wanted to rearrange Alex’s room but he wouldn’t let me.  I had Julia clean off the desk in her bedroom, and we added a lamp so she could do her homework there, and I was satisfied.  For now.

Still so many projects to tackle.  I scribbled a lot of them down on some lined paper I snitched from the kids’ supply, and I felt better just getting that on paper.

And that’s about it.  Made excellent macaroni and cheese for dinner, fried some hotdogs to go with it, and that was that.

Now?  I think I’ll go stare at my fabric for a while and see what it wants me to do.

3 thoughts on “Cluttery

  1. I think it’s just that you’re continuing to grow as a person that your blog is evolving… And that’s nothing to be ashamed about. Peace to you, and yours. ❤

  2. Back in 2008 my daughter was blogging all her travels at sea and she told me “Mom, you need to check out this blog. It’s about food, she does show her cute kids doing funny things (like cutting their hair off to the scalp)too, but it’s mostly about food. You’ll like it.” She was right.

  3. I bet many of us missed and worried about you… taking time for yourself to do “nothing” is not a waste… sometimes your brain need a rest… Stop putting yourself down, your cooking is better than most… I’m sure your colleagues don’t think about your imaginary shortcomings as much as you do…
    Jayne you’re a wonderful writer, cook, mother…

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