Gratitude · Musings

Blogs of Auld Lang Syne

When I first started blogging it was February of 2003.  My friend, Sheila, had started blogging some time before that, and I read her posts (in her blog’s original incarnation, and started to think it would be kind of fun to try that myself.  So, after much deliberation, I thought of a name for the blog and started typing. Alex was not even a year old (wow) and I look back on some of my posts I cringe a bit because I was still stumbling around finding some sort of voice for myself.  But oh well, we all sound like idiots now and then.  I stayed with that original site for part of a year, and then I switched over to a different server that seemed, at the time, to give me more options in how to set up the site. 

I was just looking back at the first posts from that old site.  I set up the blog and found out I was pregnant in the same month.  Alex was 8 months old.  I’d lost one pregnancy before Alex, and I would lose this one as well.  Both losses were pretty early on, and while both losses were heartbreaking at the time, I never felt like I’d lost babies. I don’t mourn them the way I mourn the losses of my grandparents, my mother.  I don’t think that those brief lives are hanging out in Heaven or anywhere, waiting to meet their parents and siblings one day.  I think…things just happen some time.  And I have two healthy living children, and that’s plenty to think about.

Anyway, after I found out that I was miscarrying that pregnancy after Alex, I decided to just keep my mouth shut if I ever became pregnant again.  So later, when I became pregnant with Julia, I couldn’t tell anyone, but I had to talk – or write – about it. 

So I started another blog.  It was to be temporary.  A place to talk about the pregnancy without telling anyone too soon.  And it was very temporary.  I ended up blabbing to my sister and my parents…and I don’t remember who else, but it was certainly before the relative “all clear” had sounded, trimester-wise.  So once I’d made that pregnancy general knowledge, I stopped writing there.  But I’m glad I wrote those posts, because they chronicle the beginnings of Julia.  Oh, and the title and subtitle of that blog?  Not meant to be obnoxious.  I was kind of amazed that, at my “advanced” age (for pregnancy, apparently), I could even get pregnant once, never mind a bunch of times.  And I know it’s not something to be taken for granted.  I don’t.  At a point in my life, I figured I’d just never be married, never have kids.  I made my peace with it, too, and started planning a solo life.  Then stuff happened.

I started reading some of those old posts in both blogs a couple days ago, and I’m SO glad I typed that stuff.  Things I’d forgotten – like Alex’s early words and the cute (or annoying at the time) little things he did.  I can hear his little voice.

Sometimes I miss those early years, when the kids were babies and toddlers.  All the newness, the discovery, the hilarity and insanity and sleeplessness of it all.

But then I don’t miss it, because my kids are pretty entertaining right now, too.  And they don’t need diapers.  They can do a lot of things themselves.  I don’t need to carry them, or wrestle them into car seats when they DON’T want to be here.  (I can remember more than once having my knee (gently) on a chest so I could click straps into place while the child was arching his or her back and fighting with such amazing strength for such a small person.

Time has flown. 

I’m glad I was able to capture some of it.

One thought on “Blogs of Auld Lang Syne

  1. Hi Jayne,

    I can’t recall if I’ve commented on your blog before or not – probably not as I’m not much of a talker – but I’ve been reading and enjoying it for a while.

    I was hoping you would share with me what your “advanced age” was when you got pregnant that second time. Or just a range of the age (and I completely understand if you don’t want to, it is a personal question). I wouldn’t normally ask but, well, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a little while and I’m starting to hear people tell me we might be too old (I’m 35 and he’s 42). And I thought a little hope might help.

    Regardless of your response or whether you respond at all, I really enjoy your blog and reading about your crochet (I’m a knitter, myself, and only know a teensy bit of crochet) and all of your amazing culinary adventures. You’ve seriously tempted me many times to try cheesemaking.

    Anyway, thank you for blogging and for sharing bits of your life with the world.

    Jenn

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